Talk:Alice Slater/@comment-39103377-20191018153006
Well, this is quite an interesting one to review. While there is that subtle hint of the Narrative Arc being used, some sections stand out for seeming too...strange? Maybe I need to ask a question and give reasons why I’m asking it in the first place: 1. Why the abuse for her build-up into insanity? This character seems to allow drawing and painting into her life but...out of nowhere, her parents make her a prostitute. I mean, sure it seems realistic but, it’s pulled from the darkness into a section where there could have been something else. You could try to link pressure and anxiety or depression into her “hobby” for wanting to express herself but, in her parents’ eyes, Alice may be seen as a wasteful human spending her time on useless things. Maybe she could have made cursed paintings illustrating symbolic images towards a certain tragedy she suffered. Or, maybe she could have been a painter recognised by many to leave a portrait of her new victim in a previous victim’s home (like an endless cycle). 2. Why would she be sent to a mental institution without much safety involved? Now, this section I could have understood by the recent discovery of mentally challenged individuals suffering abuse and neglect from the staff meant to be working there. However, the mental institution in this origin seems to check out. They diagnose the patient, they try to keep her safe and calm and they even went as far as to send someone with her to comfort/monitor her when she attempted suicide twice. But, the issue I had was the suddenness from the nurse being in the bathroom to laying on the floor, stone cold. Like, she didn’t have anything with her for protection? After this patient of hers was severely depressed, had PTSD and schizophrenia, she had no way of protecting herself in case something went wrong? That to me doesn’t sound so safe for the staff members working there. 3. What was the message linking her to her new found motive? Alice Slater is a mentally unstable, sexually, mentally, and physically abused girl that now kills others because...she doesn’t find that keeping them save is necessary? It would make sense if she was apart of the law but...she’s just Alice Slater. Maybe you could explain how people think exactly alike one another. How no matter what your conscious draws up about someone, your subconscious knows best. Like, Alice may have lost trust in others but...that never made she couldn’t make her own friends (e.g the voices in her head representing her mental conditions). I understand that this could be seen as bad due to the common/general details like the abusive parents begin leading to the mental instability of their new murderer, their own child. But, I do enjoy this. There isn’t much to a happy ending for her nor is there any sort of ending to see. It’s perfectly ambiguous as well as the fact that the structure is wonderfully crafted to form her origin. Overall, this Creepypasta has earned itself a rating of 5.6/10. The structure is constructed in such a decent manner, the majority of the story is able to flow so well. There’s only a few errors that need to be either re-evaluated on or removed to help this story reach higher. However, this is a really good attempt, well done!